but the lizard people decide everything anyway
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Randomize
