If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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