the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
