dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
