i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
