Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
