I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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