You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
