i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
