11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Randomize
