I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
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I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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