It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Randomize
