tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
