Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
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