so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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