i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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