Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
