you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
