Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
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Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
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I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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