That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
