Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
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