he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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