What a fucking waste of an outfit
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
