Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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