She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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