$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
