dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
he fucked my hip out of place.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
