I murdered the dance floor call the cops
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
