He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
