just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
