Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
