my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
