Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
