It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Randomize
