How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
