I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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