Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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