you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
