What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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