You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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