i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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