My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
