WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
