I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
