He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
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I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
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I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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