I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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