i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
