He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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