I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Randomize
