I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
My feet surprised me
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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