oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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