question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
