its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
