just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Randomize
