I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
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consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
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She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
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