It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Who died my cat blue again?
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