I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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