so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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