I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
