We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
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