You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Randomize
