I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
